Wednesday, November 11, 2009

I just decided I'm crazy.

Like really.

I was laying in bed attempting to fall asleep, but my head wouldn't shut off.

I was having a conversation with my mother. In my head. And I realized, I do this alot. Not just with my mom, but pretty much anyone. And then I thought, oh crap, what if when I really am talking to someone, I expect them to know the things that I discussed with them in my head?! I mean I don't think I do that, especially since the discussions in my head are far more elaborate than anything I have in real life. In there, I talk very freely and honestly. You may think I am that way on here, but no not quite. I mean sure I admit on here when things are bad, which is a step up from the smile and say everything is fabulous, church response. I hate the question, "How are you?" or "How has your day been?" I learned to hate it when I was a teenager. Back when I was working at Disneyland. If I've blogged this before, I'm sorry, I can't remember if I blogged it in my head or real life (and I'm so not joking. I blog in my head all the time). I was a cashier at the Gibson Girl Ice Cream Parlor. We were required to use a 3 part greeting. Hello, How are you (or how is your day going or what's your favorite ride or have you seen your favorite disney character, etc) and then you can ask to take their order. Well, one time I did my generic questions, and my usual half listening to the response as we all did, when the lady did not do the *smile* and "I'm great" response. No. She informed me that the lines were to long and that people were rude and this really wasn't being the happiest place on earth. I did not know how to respond. And since then I've vowed not to put anyone in the position I was in. I felt for her, crappy days are crappy and even crappier when they're at someplace that's supposed to be magical, but there really wasn't anything I could do to change it, being at the bottom of the totem pole. That and I knew nothing about her, so who knows what could have made her day better. So then I just felt bad. and awkward. And so when the inevitable question of "How are you?" comes upon me (one of the reasons I avoid leaving the house) I force a smile and say I'm great. Granted I do occasionally say, "I'm alive". and that's about as close to the truth as I'm willing to share, it also means I'm having a really hard time. Usually and I'm alive response is followed by the thought of "but I sure wish I weren't".

So anyway, the whole point of this is that I'm crazy. And if I am ever talking to you in real life and you have no idea what I'm going on about or feel like you missed part of the conversation. . .well, you probably did cause I probably had the missing portion in my head.

And now I will try to empty my head so I can sleep.

Tonight Jordan's shift began at 10pm. And Ava woke up to eat shortly after he left, so I turned off the computer and went to bed. But I discovered I'm very use to the sound of the computer on. Usually I'm in bed before Jordan leaves and he'll be on the computer for a bit and he leaves it on. So I was laying in bed and hearing all the little sounds of the trailer settling and the wind blowing and such, which make me jump and worry that the back door didn't latch all the way and had blow open, or maybe Maddie fell out of her bed, or, or, or.

I had lots of baked beans today. Baked beans for breakfast. Cheese (sorry Ava) and crackers for lunch. then Baked beans for dinner (as well as bread and spinach). Maddie likes spinach. She has since she was a baby. But now. . .well, a month ago I bought an auction of videos on ebay. A random collection of cartoons on DVD. Included was a 4 disc set of Popeye episodes. Maddie LOVES to watch it. At dinner, I give her spinach and she asks what it is and I say "Spinach, like Popeye eats." And she says But it won't give me Popeye arms. and I say why don't you eat it and see. And she does and says nope, just my arms, you eat yours mom. So I take a bite and she says, "nope, you don't have that thing on your arm now." and I realize she wasn't talking about popeye's muscles but rather his anchor tattoo. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I then proceeded to inform her basically a dumbed down version of the disclaimer at the beginning of the DVDs. That Popeye is politically incorrect. And I added in that we aren't big fans of getting tattoos or smoking or fighting. Unlike Popeye.

Oh and a warning. If you come to our house it may smell peculiar and you may hear from us all plenty of what Maddie refers to as, "My bum talking." or "that noise in my pants".

Thankfully my head is starting to slow down now. If I laid down now I'd just be thinking about how I need to cut out the pieces for the fall into winter outfit. And how I need to finish the next outfit that I'm working on so I can get it listed to sell. And about how I need to sort through my fabric mess to decide which fabrics to use in my Abigail (not me) inspired outfit. Whether it's one that her mom thinks is her or not, it came to me while I was thinking about them!
I have a pile of clothes on the love seat that I need to take pictures of to list on ebay, as well as a bunch of pictures on the camera that need uploading and then need to be listed.
I need to put another nail in the wall and hang the hooks by the bathroom.
I need to vacuum. Ava keeps finding things that I swear weren't there when I put her down. She has little interest in baby food but loves to eat leaves, thread, flower appliques, elastic, ribbon, fabric, paper, catalogs, magazines, shoes, shoe laces, anything wooden. . .ect.

My pajama pants smell like they need a wash. I guess I'll go find some clean ones.

Oh I finally got the sheets on my bed changed this morning! It's a hard thing to do when your husband has an opposite sleep schedule than you!

To Do tomorrow:
  • cut out pieces for custom outfit
  • vacuum the living room, family room, and kitchen
  • clean the toilets
  • list things on ebay.
  • finish ava's bodice and cut out pieces for the pants
  • have oatmeal for breakfast
  • make a loaf of bread
  • have sandwiches for lunch
  • defrost the pork loin and make it into stew
  • make maddie's bed
  • put away clean clothes
  • vacuum the porch
  • play pretty pretty princess, candyland, break the ice and river roads and rails
  • make cookies or a cake
  • take pictures of LPS to list on ebay
  • sort toys with Maddie

That makes me tired just to read. . .

I'm really not doing so good. Trying hard to focus on the good things.

Jordan is going to start looking for a second job. We'll never see him, but since Ava still refuses a bottle and nurses every 2 hours, I can't really get one.
I am struggling today with a lack of desire to be productive. Though I did watch 3 kids today (my two and a nephew). Just anxious for the week to go buy and to see how successful (or not) our ebay selling is. I'm surprisingly not sad about selling Maddie's cute clothes. Mostly because she doesn't appreciate them. She's like my brother. . clothes is clothes is clothes. Doesn't matter to her what she wears.
I have more clothes to take pictures of and list, but the camera battery is charging.
I need to start sewing my first Ilaria Eve sell, but I've misplaced the original which I'd like to have on hand as I do it. I just washed it and folded it and put it away somewhere. . .

Supposedly it's 70 degrees outside. I don't know if I believe that.

I raided the piggy banks and have about $7 to go get produce. . .I'll hit the loss leader sales at Sunflower Market and Buy Low if Jordan put gas in the car. So no guarantees on that. I'd walk except it'd take over an hour to walk there I'm sure. Sunflower is down by the mall, and Buy Low is in. . Provo, not really Provo (the next city over) but in the Plum Tree shopping center which is close enough to provo to count it as provo to me. I don't know how to cook chayote squash but at five for a dollar at buy low I think I'll figure out how. . .
I don't like baked beans. Pork and beans. Just gross. They're slimey and the chunks of pork look more like chunks of fat.

Yesterday I made baked beans. I can only force my husband to eat soup so many times, so instead of navy bean soup, I made baked beans using the deseret cookbook. And guess what? They're really good!! Here's the recipe incase you don't have it:
  1. Cover with cold water................................4 cups dry navy beans
  2. Soak overnight or bring slowly to a boil. (we soaked overnight)
  3. Simmer until tender. ( I followed the bean package which said 1 1/2 to 2 hours would be enough. . .next time I'll do it longer, some a still a little crunchy in my opinion).
  4. Drain.
  5. Add..............................................1 small onion, chopped
    1/4 lb. salt pork, diced (I used the really salty ham luncheon meat we had in the fridge that would probably not get eaten otherwise).
    3/4 cup brown sugar or molasses (Jordan isn't a molasses fan, but I am so I did 1/2 cup brown sugar and 1/4 cup molasses)
    1/2 cup catsup (ketchup)
    1 teaspoon dry mustard
    2 teaspoons salt
    1 tablespoon worcestershire sauce
    1 cup boiling water
  6. Place in greased casserole (or ungreased crockpot, cause I'm lazy)
  7. Top with 1/4 teaspoon salt pork, cut in strips (ya. . .didn't do that, didn't make any sense at all. . .)
  8. Bake at 275 (degrees F) for 6-8 hours (or set your crockpot to low).
  9. If beans become dry, add extra water.

I'm going back to enjoy my beans now. They were just so good though that I had to share!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Haha! I have a custom order to get started on!

Monday, November 9, 2009

Today I have sewn 3 seams. . and unpicked two of them. We're doing great here. . .
None of the ladies in this house got a goodnight's sleep. Ava did take a 2 1/2 hour nap already though (she was up at 5:30).

I don't understand how a child can put toys away without direction and then, when asked to put away the few that were missed, suddenly doesn't know where the toys go. Patience is waining already.

I cleaned the fridge today. It smelt funny. So I pulled everything out, washed it down, put everything back in except the leftovers cause it must be one of them that was making the smell.

I think we'll have pea soup for dinner today. I need to go get celery and potatoes and onions and milk and then I think we'll be set until next payday, except on milk, they go through milk fast.

I'm tired and cold. It's 41 degrees outside, our heater is working overtime to keep us at about 70 degrees inside. Our bedroom feels about 72 degrees, but the living room I'd guess at 65.

And Ava wants constant entertainment today.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

I was taking pictures of Ava outside in the field next to Grandma Jo's and she grabbed a weed and hasn't wanted to eat anything but it since. . .i.it's been like 10 minutes!

Craft faire's are a double edge sword to me. They sharpen my creative juices and inspire, all the while making me feel envious and worthless and poor. Yet I hope to go to more. Maybe before we leave Logan we'll go up to Idaho and get some lotto tickets, haha.

Ava is grumpy. I'm not sure why. She hasn't been up 2 hours, she just ate, I didn't have any eggs, chocolate, dairy or peanut butter yesterday. Oh never mind I did have a hershey's dark chocolate nugget last night. She doesn't appear to have any new teeth coming through.

I am anxious to get home and sew.

Have you ever had one of those days where you just feel like any moment you may burst into tears and you haven't the slightest idea why? I'm having one of those weeks. Okay maybe just the last 3 days. And watching Marley and Me didn't help. It was a good movie though. I think I'd not mind owning it.

Jordan and Maddie are out horseback riding right now. Id be with them, but when they left 2 hours ago I had a horrible headache. So I took 2 ibprofen and laid down until Ava woke up. Now I feel better. I got Jordan two cute shirts from Walmart clearance yesterday. $3 each. I'm positive he'll be returning them ASAP. One is a burnt orange colored polo and the other is a green plaid button up. He prefers his t-shirts. I'm tired of him dressing like a teenager. I want to act like an adult and a responsible daddy/husband.

Ava is starting to sit briefly alone. It's so nice.

I made a calendar on Vistaprint yesterday and I'm so excited for it to arrive (in 21 days). It has some of my favorite pictures on it. I'm wondering how often I can do the free calendar on vistaprint because I think it'd be a nice present for grandparents, ya know?

If the boutique we went to today didn't cost $2 to get in I'd make Jordan go with me. He never wants to go to those things, but I always want him to go because I don't know what he likes or not.

There's an Eden's Bouquet outfit on ebay ending today that I really want, but we do not have $125. It's the emma dress, bonnet and bloomers though. It Maddie's size. So gorgeous. Maybe if I ever get business going enough with Ilaria Eve I can convince Jen of Eden's Bouquet to do a trade? Her girls got a box of Matilda Jane clothing in the mail today. I was very jealous. It was some of the cute Matilda Jane stuff at that. Stuff I can't make cause I have yet to attempt sewing stretch knit material.

I wanted to take family pictures of us today. We're all matching even in green and orange fall coloring. But it didn't work out. The sun is nearly set. Poop on that. Maybe next year we'll be out of debt (again) and I'll have a chance to save some money to get someone to do a photo session with us. I am happy doing the pictures of the girls, but I can't be behind the camera and infront of it at the same time, thus making my taking family pictures impossible. We do have a nice picture from October though.

Ava was playing for a bit, but now she remembered her weed. . .