Like really.
I was laying in bed attempting to fall asleep, but my head wouldn't shut off.
I was having a conversation with my mother. In my head. And I realized, I do this alot. Not just with my mom, but pretty much anyone. And then I thought, oh crap, what if when I really am talking to someone, I expect them to know the things that I discussed with them in my head?! I mean I don't think I do that, especially since the discussions in my head are far more elaborate than anything I have in real life. In there, I talk very freely and honestly. You may think I am that way on here, but no not quite. I mean sure I admit on here when things are bad, which is a step up from the smile and say everything is fabulous, church response. I hate the question, "How are you?" or "How has your day been?" I learned to hate it when I was a teenager. Back when I was working at Disneyland. If I've blogged this before, I'm sorry, I can't remember if I blogged it in my head or real life (and I'm so not joking. I blog in my head all the time). I was a cashier at the Gibson Girl Ice Cream Parlor. We were required to use a 3 part greeting. Hello, How are you (or how is your day going or what's your favorite ride or have you seen your favorite disney character, etc) and then you can ask to take their order. Well, one time I did my generic questions, and my usual half listening to the response as we all did, when the lady did not do the *smile* and "I'm great" response. No. She informed me that the lines were to long and that people were rude and this really wasn't being the happiest place on earth. I did not know how to respond. And since then I've vowed not to put anyone in the position I was in. I felt for her, crappy days are crappy and even crappier when they're at someplace that's supposed to be magical, but there really wasn't anything I could do to change it, being at the bottom of the totem pole. That and I knew nothing about her, so who knows what could have made her day better. So then I just felt bad. and awkward. And so when the inevitable question of "How are you?" comes upon me (one of the reasons I avoid leaving the house) I force a smile and say I'm great. Granted I do occasionally say, "I'm alive". and that's about as close to the truth as I'm willing to share, it also means I'm having a really hard time. Usually and I'm alive response is followed by the thought of "but I sure wish I weren't".
So anyway, the whole point of this is that I'm crazy. And if I am ever talking to you in real life and you have no idea what I'm going on about or feel like you missed part of the conversation. . .well, you probably did cause I probably had the missing portion in my head.
And now I will try to empty my head so I can sleep.
Tonight Jordan's shift began at 10pm. And Ava woke up to eat shortly after he left, so I turned off the computer and went to bed. But I discovered I'm very use to the sound of the computer on. Usually I'm in bed before Jordan leaves and he'll be on the computer for a bit and he leaves it on. So I was laying in bed and hearing all the little sounds of the trailer settling and the wind blowing and such, which make me jump and worry that the back door didn't latch all the way and had blow open, or maybe Maddie fell out of her bed, or, or, or.
I had lots of baked beans today. Baked beans for breakfast. Cheese (sorry Ava) and crackers for lunch. then Baked beans for dinner (as well as bread and spinach). Maddie likes spinach. She has since she was a baby. But now. . .well, a month ago I bought an auction of videos on ebay. A random collection of cartoons on DVD. Included was a 4 disc set of Popeye episodes. Maddie LOVES to watch it. At dinner, I give her spinach and she asks what it is and I say "Spinach, like Popeye eats." And she says But it won't give me Popeye arms. and I say why don't you eat it and see. And she does and says nope, just my arms, you eat yours mom. So I take a bite and she says, "nope, you don't have that thing on your arm now." and I realize she wasn't talking about popeye's muscles but rather his anchor tattoo. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I then proceeded to inform her basically a dumbed down version of the disclaimer at the beginning of the DVDs. That Popeye is politically incorrect. And I added in that we aren't big fans of getting tattoos or smoking or fighting. Unlike Popeye.
Oh and a warning. If you come to our house it may smell peculiar and you may hear from us all plenty of what Maddie refers to as, "My bum talking." or "that noise in my pants".
Thankfully my head is starting to slow down now. If I laid down now I'd just be thinking about how I need to cut out the pieces for the fall into winter outfit. And how I need to finish the next outfit that I'm working on so I can get it listed to sell. And about how I need to sort through my fabric mess to decide which fabrics to use in my Abigail (not me) inspired outfit. Whether it's one that her mom thinks is her or not, it came to me while I was thinking about them!
I have a pile of clothes on the love seat that I need to take pictures of to list on ebay, as well as a bunch of pictures on the camera that need uploading and then need to be listed.
I need to put another nail in the wall and hang the hooks by the bathroom.
I need to vacuum. Ava keeps finding things that I swear weren't there when I put her down. She has little interest in baby food but loves to eat leaves, thread, flower appliques, elastic, ribbon, fabric, paper, catalogs, magazines, shoes, shoe laces, anything wooden. . .ect.
My pajama pants smell like they need a wash. I guess I'll go find some clean ones.
Oh I finally got the sheets on my bed changed this morning! It's a hard thing to do when your husband has an opposite sleep schedule than you!
To Do tomorrow:
- cut out pieces for custom outfit
- vacuum the living room, family room, and kitchen
- clean the toilets
- list things on ebay.
- finish ava's bodice and cut out pieces for the pants
- have oatmeal for breakfast
- make a loaf of bread
- have sandwiches for lunch
- defrost the pork loin and make it into stew
- make maddie's bed
- put away clean clothes
- vacuum the porch
- play pretty pretty princess, candyland, break the ice and river roads and rails
- make cookies or a cake
- take pictures of LPS to list on ebay
- sort toys with Maddie
That makes me tired just to read. . .
